I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how to be happy. I know sadness, I know fear, I know longing and anxiety and despair. I even know how to be content. But happy? Really, truly happy? I can’t even explain the concept. I never get excited about anything anymore, never look forward to anything. I’m afraid I’m broken somehow and I’ll never be whole again. All I want is to be happy. I want to walk around smiling. I want to feel lighter than air. Everything is so heavy now. It weighs me down and nothing I do can get rid of it. What if I’m never happy again? What if I go through life being “okay” and content? What if I’m always stuck with this empty, hollow feeling and I never find a way to fill it? I’m so scared. Make me whole again. Make me happy.
(cassie)
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