My best friend passed away 527 days ago and I still haven’t recovered from losing her. She died by the power of her own hand, but I know it was my fault. Everyone has tried to convince me that I didn’t do anything wrong - they have no idea. What about the fact that she was in love with me, despite us both being women? Does anyone know that I led her on for a year and a half, making her think that I was in love with her too? Yeah, I kissed her, I did shameful things with her. Eventually the guilt caught up with me, but how was I to tell that I didn’t feel the same way without destroying our friendship? Nobody knows that she hit me; I would never expose that. Nobody knows that I endured abuse for a year, all because I didn’t have feelings for my best friend, who was a girl, who was in love with me. Nobody knows that the night before she killed herself, I was making out with my boyfriend, whom she hated, whom she was jealous of because I liked him and not her. Nobody knows that I was the last person she kissed in her life on Earth, a move I regret dearly because it just hurt her even more. Looking back, I was a monster. I’ll never forget the last text she sent me: “Oh, the world has come to see the end. You will never see my face again.” Shouldn’t it have been a sign? I killed my best friend. Nobody knows.
(katiebukata)
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