no shame november

Everyone thinks that it’s the inital pain that hurts the most when your mom dies.

They’re wrong.

It’s the missing that leaves your teeth aching, the trembling fingertips when all you want is to press the call button on your phone, the time when you realize that there are things they will never live through. It’s sitting across the diner table and saying “there’s nothing more that I want than what is impossible to become possible again.” It’s the 23rd of every month. It’s those moments where you just need to know how to make a turkey or what to do when you’re angry at your roommate. It’s that neverending desire to talk to her everyday.

But the hardest thing, the most painful, is that the sadness will never go away; it will only subside and fade. And living with constant sadness hurts more than anything else.

(passiveaggressivepositivity)